(I believe in the Zodiac
Yeah, I do, I'm a Leo, I love Titanic
Uh, this is something a little bit mor-
Something a little bit morbidly ironic, my grandmother
Uh, she was a Cancer and
She was actually killed by a giant crabThis is a song about the idea of irony
So strap in!)My dog's stomach was very upset
So I put him in the car and we went to the vet
And on our way to the vet
I killed a cat
Hey, I said isn't that ironic?
I adopted a child from overseas
To rescue him from child labor factories
And on his very first birthday, we went to Build-a-Bear workshop
Isn't that ironic?Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
A water park has burned to the ground, and a
A tow truck has broken down
I always used to cry when I laughed
And then I was raped by a clown
Isn't that ironic?I was watching Al Gore on CNN
He was talking and talking and talking and then
Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself
Isn't that ironic?I dated an animal rights activist
And one day, she got really pissed
Because I was eating veal that was wrapped in "pita" bread
("PETA"? Fuck it)
Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch
And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's "pull-out" couch
Isn't that ironic? I-R-O-N-I-C
Yeah, if everyday you play the board game Risk
You've probably never taken a Risk in your life
And Monopoly has far from a stranglehold on the board game market
A little kid died from suffocation when he choked on a game piece from Operation
And I can't grow a beard
That one's not ironic, that one's just sadBob Barker got all of my pets pregnantMy grandfather had Alzheimer's
And one day we were
